Feb 19, 2008

OH NOES: It's an Emailed Death Threat!

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Left: Artist's rendition of the hit on Historymike

It is with deep regret that I must inform my readers that I am the target of a hitman, and that my days on this earthly vale of tears may be limited. After all, I received the following emailed death threat today, and after scanning the header and finding out that the sender is from Nigeria, I realized that I am dealing with a world-class criminal outfit, far too sophisticated for a Midwestern rube such as I.

It is clear from the following letter that these dangerous folks mean business, and that I had better get my affairs in order for the upcoming assassination attempt, as sent to me by killersmission009@gmail.com:

Hello

I am very sorry for you Xxxxxx, is a pity that this is how your life is going to end as soon as you don't comply. As you can see there is no need of introducing myself to you because I don't have any business with you, my duty as I am mailing you now is just to KILL you and I have to do it as I have already been paid for that.

Someone you call a friend wants you Dead by all means, and the person have spent a lot of money on this, the person also came to us and told me that he wanted you dead and he provided us with your name ,picture and other necessary information's we needed about you. So I sent my boys to track you down and they have carried out the necessary investigation needed for the operation on you, and they have done that but I told them not to kill you that I will like to contact you and see if your life is Important to you or not since their findings shows that you are innocent.

I called my client back and ask him of your email address which I didn't tell him what I wanted to do with it and he gave it to me and I am using it to contact you now. As I am writing to you now my men are monitoring you and they are telling me everything about you.

Now do you want to LIVE OR DIE? As someone has paid us to kill you. Get back to me now if you are ready to pay some fees to spare your life, $15,000 is all you need to spend You will first of all pay $8,000 then I will send a tape to you which i recorded every discusion i hade with the person who wanted you dead and as soon as you get the tape, you will pay the remaining $7,000. If you are not ready for my help, then I will carry on with my job straight-up.

WARNING: DO NOT THINK OF CONTACTING THE POLICE OR EVEN TELLING ANYONE BECAUSE I WILL KNOW.REMEMBER, SOMEONE WHO KNOWS YOU VERY WELL WANT YOU DEAD! I WILL EXTEND IT TO YOUR FAMILY, IN CASE I NOTICE SOMETHING FUNNY.

DO NOT COME OUT ONCE IT IS 7:PM UNTIL I MAKE OUT TIME TO SEE YOU AND GIVE YOU THE TAPE OF MY DISCUSSION WITH THE PERSON WHO WANT YOU DEAD THEN YOU CAN USE IT TO TAKE ANY LEGAL ACTION. GOOD LUCK AS I AWAIT YOUR REPLY
So if you read about me in the paper, my bloody skull splattered all over my TV lift cabinet like a rotten pumpkin, know this, friends: the Nigerian hitmen are a dangerous lot, and should not be trifled with.

13 comments:

Roo said...

Mike - I would think that this would be a wonderful piece of material to forward to the FBI/FCC/FTC or whomever is in charge of this crap.

You are smart enough not to fall for it, but just think of the impact this could have on someone that's not as 'stable' as you are.

I don't think it's funny. In fact, it ticks me off.

Carol

OFAC said...

This is too funny. I'm almost in tears.

Mr. Schwartz said...

You must be getting popular Mike because you got a death threat from a internet virus that sends these out by stealing emails of infected computers. Just google some of the phrases in the email and you'll see tens of 10,000s have been hit by this also.

I'm still waiting for mine....

And how about that Yankee Jim doing a Chris Benoit in the most cowardly fashion possible? Yet white supremacist everywhere are praising him for murdering his wife... Just think how his children and grandchildren are going to be that they have to live with this for the rest of their lives?

Just shows you how messed up neo-nazis really are....

Barb said...

I'd report them, too. I got a scam email from a "fellow Christian" in Africa who wanted me to send money for some box of money. But I didn't report it either. However, there wasn't a death threat.

microdot said...

Man, the next logical step in the mystery Nigerian Bank Account scam...

Lately, I've been getting 2 to 3 anonymous vaguely nasty posts on my blog each week. I just delete them.

So, I posted a early spring piece on thebrainpolice from my bunker in an undisclosed location. Just to let you know that winter is almost over!

Robin said...

Wow, these Nigerian con artists must be getting desparate. I'd report it. It is against the law to send a death threat over the internet. (So is scamming people, but that's another story).

MP said...

Why are Nigerians so freaking weird?

LTLOP said...

What!?!?!? No God bless in the closing line? I don't know Mike this could be for real. You know those Nigerian scams they ALWAYS end with God Bless. Be Afraid, very afraid.

Mad Jack said...

Lately, I've been getting 2 to 3 anonymous vaguely nasty posts on my blog each week.

That's nothing! Over at ToledoTalk, someone called Babbleman a redneck and told him to move to Peru.

mud_rake said...

They must think we Americans are idiots.

Well, they may have a point...

Mad Jack said...

What, Barb, you're too mean to send money to the poor Africans? For shame, for shame.

Barb said...

Not as much money as THEY wanted in their scam operation.

I do sponsor a couple of kids over there--and my taxes went to fight AIDS in Africa --as did yours Madjack--Bush compassionate conservatism --which I agree with.

If you all haven't seen the Watota African choir --the AIDS orphans --who are performing all over Toledo and NW ohio, you should. they are delightful and raising money for AIDS orphans in their schools.

Anonymous said...

Wow, these Nigerian con artists must be getting desparate. I'd report it. It is against the law to send a death threat over the internet. (So is scamming people, but that's another story).


Well good luck proseciting someone in Lagos. Running a red light is against the law, but that doesn't mean every time law enforcement must be bothered with it.