Dec 2, 2008

On Gas Station Food, Healthy Living, and Common Sense

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My loving wife has been giving me friendly reminders about the importance of a balanced diet, and - though I do put forth an honest effort to improve the quality of my food consumption - I still exhibit a tendency to stuff my pie-hole with unhealthy food items. This is especially the case when I am both tired and hungry, and the idea of quick food wins out over common sense.

Such was the case this evening, when my trip to Speedway for $10 in gas and two gallons of milk brought me into contact with an in-store advertisement that promised "ANY TWO GRILL ITEMS: $2.00." Turning on the shiny electric grill-bars were a bunch of tasty-looking corn dogs, those lipid-laden, artery-clogging, empty-calorie food items that nonetheless fit my two basic criteria: quick, instantaneous, and cheap.

OK, that is three criteria. Sue me.

Anyways, after completing my purchases and pumping the gas, I drove away from the station and attempted to bite the first of the corn dogs, but my teeth could not crack the rock-hard exterior of a grilled food item that must have spent three hours in high heat. Even the inner hot dog had been reduced to a leathery, rope-like texture more like beef jerky than tender meat. The second corn dog was equally inedible, as though I tried to chew a piece of our leather Moroccan furniture, despite my desperate efforts to gnaw a few pieces of inner cornmeal to tide me over.

Now, you are probably saying to yourself: "Why would a person actually EAT food cooked in a gas station?" Normally I would join you in denigrating the virtues (if there are any) of gas station food, yet I willfully ignored this rather obvious piece of wisdom.

"Gas station food." The phrase sounds almost like an oxymoron, but that did not stop me from trying to cram the worthless corn dogs down my gullet. So to my wife: I went home and ate some yogurt, some raw carrots, and a piece of bread, plus the leftovers from El Camino Real you so kindly brought home as we lounged upon our Moroccan furniture. My elevated cholesterol levels did not suffer from this moment of culinary insanity, and I live for another day to avoid making impulsive food decisions.

11 comments:

Lisa Renee said...

I admit it...I've eaten some of the food from a gas station. Thankfully I did not have that horrid of a corn dog experience. Probably cuz I went for the chili dogs...

:-)

dr-exmedic said...

Do you consider Sheetz to be "gas station food," or is Sheetz a food place that happens to sell gas? Because that stuff is delicious....

microdot said...

Vas iss dis Sheetz?

Mad Jack said...

My loving wife has been giving me friendly reminders about the importance of a balanced diet...

Well, good morning Tubby! Did you remember to pay your life insurance premium this month?

Anyone who has spent time around state fairs or carnivals knows enough to stay away from the hot food products. You can't tell where most of that stuff has been or for how long.

I suffer the same malady, although you wouldn't know it to look at me - if you were blind in one eye and couldn't see out of the other, that is. My congratulations to you for eating the yogurt.

Tonight I'm going to the exercise club, pay my dues, work out, and then I'm going to have a nice whiskey and watch the idiot box.

dr-exmedic said...

Vas iss dis Sheetz?
It's actually one of the tastiest fast food restaurants I know of, although all of them sell a significant quantity of gas at cheap prices to induce you to come to get your MTO (made-to-order) goodness. Some of their options are actually relatively healthy--you can get a turkey on wheat, no cheese, with mustard. Everything is made fresh, and since you type the order in yourself on a touch-screen computer, you don't have to deal with surly counter order takers. :) Then you go get your own snacks and drinks while they're making the sandwich, pay for it, and it's generally done by that point.

Anonymous said...

Do you people know the meaning of the word "kvetch"? Healthy living would not lure you into gas stations in the first place with your gas guzzlers and thus tempt you with toxic waste you describe as food on which you spend your worthless dollars.

historymike said...

Yes, anonymous, I kvetch, sometimes kvetching to excess. However, if all I did was blog about THE MASSES and THE REVOLUTION and THE PETTY BOURGEOISIE, I would have a readership of about four true-believing militants.

Besides, we closet Communists serve a distinctly useful purpose: as we sneak in snippets of Marx and Luxemburg, we plant the seeds of revolution, so that the vanguard such as yourself will have an easier time of leading the charge.

:-}

(tongue in cheek response: no Red-baiting denunciations to Campus Watch, please)

microdot said...

as a favor to us smart asses,
would the anonymous posters please refer to themselves as anonymous #1, anonymous #2, anonymous #3...and so on as a courtesy to us so we know which anonymous we are going to be annoying...just for the sake of continuity, as it were.

Anonymous said...

Keep guessing microdolt...you have to have something in life to be passionate about besides gas station cuisine.

steve said...

I like the convienience store hot dogs... the more nuclearized and crispy the better! :)

mud_rake said...

I must line up at the confessional and repent of the same sin as others are confessing. When I do sin, I choose a station far from my neighborhood lest I be recognized.