Feb 7, 2009

On Icefishermen, Toledo, and 50 Degree Days

Share
Some news stories are just mind-numbingly bizarre, such as the 175 icefisherman rescued from an ice floe on Lake Erie today. Even after shaking my head and pouring another cup of coffee, I struggle to make sense of this mass stupidity.

Now, there is probably not a winter that goes by where a few fishing fools find themselves trapped on ice somewhere in the Great Lakes. The Coast Guard or local emergency personnel fly out or power up the rescue boats, plucking the hapless anglers from their icy desperation. Occasionally a few unlucky fishermen die.

But how do hundreds of idiots manage to get stranded on the same lengthy patch of ice on the same 51-degree day?

Admittedly, just because the outside temperature rises, there is no sudden mass melting of lake ice. However, we have been on a warming trend for several days now, and even mentally challenged folks can figure out that a few days above freezing - especially culminating in a balmy day 50-plus Fahrenheit day like today - means that one ought to exercise caution before stepping out on a frozen lake.

And why did so many from the Toledo area have to be the doofuses who make the national news. Toledo already has an image problem, ranging from our foot-in-mouth mayor to the North Toledo riot to the Toledo attorney who faked her own kidnapping to the simple fact that we languish in the middle of the American Rust Belt.

Some of these buffoons not only wandered onto the melting ice, but actually drove four wheelers and snowmobiles out there. I can just imagine the thought process: "Yeah, it's getting pretty warm, Bill, but I figure 50 degrees oughta be cold enough to support this the weight of this 600-pound Sea-Doo GTX, dontcha think?"

Thanks, oh brain dead icefishermen, for once again making Toledo the butt of national jokes. It is my fervent wish that each of you realize that you are of dangerously low intellectual capacities, and that you immediately contact your respective urologists and gynecologists for the necessary operations that prevent you from further reproducing.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHA! Toledo!

russell said...

u obviously know nothing about fishing or ice cuz we fish there all the time with no problems, don't be a hater, there's 2 feet of ice and the crack wasn't because of melting but because of pressure, get ur facts straight

ProfessorSeal said...

Oh Russell, get your panties out of the bunch they are in. HistoryMike and myself are professional anglers, and have won many lucrative purses doing it. We just never floated away on an iceberg in 50-degree weather because odds tell the common sense in us that the odds of cracks and pressure fissures are much higher on those days.

Middle Aged Woman said...

The problem with that whole Darwin-thing is that, like helmet-less motorcyclists, these wankers have usually already reproduced.

Middle Aged Woman said...

The next word verification is: unwifers. Couldn't let THAT pass by.

microdot said...

Makes me shiver...
I remember well in the 1970's on the ice off of Metzgers March seeing cars out on the ice at least a 1/4 mile off shore.
I of course walked out on the ice many times with my buddy until, one day as we were walking, with in view of the cars parked out on the ice, I noticed that...hey, the ice looks funny here...yikes...
The next thing I knew, I was looking up through the water at the hole in the ice I had plunged through. I do not have a real memory of getting out of the water, but my friend said I shot out like one of those penguins you see and luckily the ice I had launched myself onto was solid....
By the time we made it back to the shore, my pants were frozen solid...like my hair.

I also remember stories from being in the UP and hearing about how many cars of drunks disappeared each winter taking the shortcut across the Makinac Straits from Cheboygan, Michigan, where the bars are open late to St. Ignace....
chilling.

mikeb302000 said...

Here in Rome Italy, Toledo didn't exactly become a laughing stock, but the story did make the news.

Thanks for that funny post.

historymike said...

Anonymous #1:

I'm assuming that is a laugh of derision or mockery, and unfortunately Toledo deserves it.

historymike said...

Anonymous #2:

Not a hater, just someone who questions the intelligence/recklessness associated with being on Lake Erie ice on a 51-degree Fahrenheit day.

historymike said...

ProfSeal:

Ah yes, the hundreds of purses... the sharks we harpooned and the mahi mahi we ate raw while marooned on that Pacific atoll...

:-}

historymike said...

M.A.W.:

Yes, icefisher-spawn are already about. Also, those Blogger word verifications can indeed be eerily relevant at times. Maybe the times they seem random, the word verifications are in fact in code.

historymike said...

Microdot:

My only dire experience with walking on frozen ice occurred in the Rouge River when I was 12. A friend and I were walking along the Rouge near the Henry Ford Mansion in Dearborn when I fell in up to my waist. By the time I walked the two miles back home my pants and underwear were mostly frozen.

We made the mistake of thinking that two days of 15-20 degree weather would be enough to make ice thick enough to support 90-100 pound boys.

Nope, not enough cold or time.

historymike said...

mikeb302000:

At least some of the news reports focused on "Lake Erie" and not "Toledo."

Anonymous said...

Mike,

Here is snowy London, your amusing story never made the news because of our blizzard for which we do not have any snow plows. How is that for a laugh from the centre of of culture and commerce!

Barga said...

you see that they are bitching about there being no signs up?