Some news stories are just mind-numbingly bizarre, such as the 175 icefisherman rescued from an ice floe on Lake Erie today. Even after shaking my head and pouring another cup of coffee, I struggle to make sense of this mass stupidity.
Now, there is probably not a winter that goes by where a few fishing fools find themselves trapped on ice somewhere in the Great Lakes. The Coast Guard or local emergency personnel fly out or power up the rescue boats, plucking the hapless anglers from their icy desperation. Occasionally a few unlucky fishermen die.
But how do hundreds of idiots manage to get stranded on the same lengthy patch of ice on the same 51-degree day?
Admittedly, just because the outside temperature rises, there is no sudden mass melting of lake ice. However, we have been on a warming trend for several days now, and even mentally challenged folks can figure out that a few days above freezing - especially culminating in a balmy day 50-plus Fahrenheit day like today - means that one ought to exercise caution before stepping out on a frozen lake.
And why did so many from the Toledo area have to be the doofuses who make the national news. Toledo already has an image problem, ranging from our foot-in-mouth mayor to the North Toledo riot to the Toledo attorney who faked her own kidnapping to the simple fact that we languish in the middle of the American Rust Belt.
Some of these buffoons not only wandered onto the melting ice, but actually drove four wheelers and snowmobiles out there. I can just imagine the thought process: "Yeah, it's getting pretty warm, Bill, but I figure 50 degrees oughta be cold enough to support this the weight of this 600-pound Sea-Doo GTX, dontcha think?"
Thanks, oh brain dead icefishermen, for once again making Toledo the butt of national jokes. It is my fervent wish that each of you realize that you are of dangerously low intellectual capacities, and that you immediately contact your respective urologists and gynecologists for the necessary operations that prevent you from further reproducing.