May 18, 2009

Miracle Tree Cross of Toledo

While traipsing through the woods the other day, I came across the pictured perpendicular tree trunks that evoked an image of a certain crucified deity. Much like my Miracle Statue of St. Francis of Assisi, this natural phenomenon stimulated the synapses of my brain that are devoted to recognizing profit opportunities.

I imagined spreading the word about the Miracle Tree Cross I discovered, and I thought mentioning the peace, serenity, and good health I felt while in the woods near the Miracle Tree Cross would not be an overt deception on my part. On eBay, such an image might represent hundreds - if not thousands - of dollars in a bidding war between devotees of the Miracle Tree Cross of Toledo.

Proceeds from the auction and healing tours, of course, would go to charity, though a modest management fee for me to cover the costs of publicizing the Miracle Tree Cross and administrating the pilgrim tours would be reasonable. I would also need to negotiate with the owners of the land for the rights to market the Miracle Tree Cross, as well as to compensate them for wear and tear on their property. They would be free, of course, to manage parking and concessions associated with the thronging crowds of the faithful.

Then there are the merchandising opportunities to consider: T-shirts, bumper stickers, and slivers of the Miracle Tree Cross of Toledo. I imagine this might represent a million dollars or more in the first year of the campaign, and when we document the miracle healings that occur near the Miracle Tree Cross, this might skyrocket into Fatima or Guadalupe proportions.

One of these days I am going to stop joking about these potentially profitable apparitions I encounter, and I will load my pockets with the filthy lucre of miracle marketing. When I do, I will forget this post (and probably delete it), and in my greed I will forget every moral lesson I ever learned. Then I will hire myself the best frigging therapist available and get over my guilt. Money may not buy happiness, but it will buy a really expensive yacht, and you can sail that damned boat right up to the Island of Happiness, then dock and hop off there.

But first I gotta sell this Miracle Tree Cross idea. Let's see what it can do for a tough disease like mesothelioma.

1 comment:

Mad Jack said...

I'd like to start negotiations for the wine concession. Who should I call about that?