A couple of months ago I received that most dreaded of pieces of mail: the jury summons. Given the fact that I had a hectic schedule, I bargained with the court for a rescheduling, hoping that the date further in the future would fit better.
Now, I am not by nature one to shirk civic responsibility, but serving on a jury is to me one of the least productive ways I can serve my community. Heck, I would rather cut weeds on the roadside or pull tree trunks out of a drainage creek than to be bored out of my skull sitting all day in that waiting room watching a bunch of sappy films from 1985 like they always show.
I was once the master of getting people out of jury duty when I owned my own business. I composed the most heartfelt letters explaining how Employee X was the most valuable employee on my staff, and how my struggling business would collapse overnight if I lost Employee X for the two critical days that jury duty required.
Interestingly, when I wrote letters on my own behalf about how I could not afford to be away from my business all that time, my own requests were denied, and I was forced to twice sit on jury panels. That must have been karma paying me back for getting a dozen or two people out of jury duty.
Anyways, my stay of execution (pun intended) passed, and on I was due to serve Wednesday and Thursday of this week. On Tuesday night, though, I received gratifying news on the court phone system: All jurors scheduled for Wednesday were no longer needed.
Hallelujah! My time in judicial purgatory had been cut in half, and I received what was in essence a free day yesterday to catch up on work. Yet I kept looking at the clock, knowing that I knew of no one in the history of jury service who lucked out two days in a row.
I almost did not want to make the call, what with the euphoria of my one-day freedom waning. I dialed the number, and to my utter surprise the voice on the recording told me the following words of joy:
"All jurors scheduled for service on Wednesday and Thursday are excused from service."
Forget your Mega Millions or PowerBalls, people. I hit the Grand Bifecta of good fortune, and no one will convince me otherwise that I may be at the start of an incredible streak of luck. Best of all, I am off the hook for at least a couple of years, at which point I will drag out and rub my Lucky Jury Summons of 2009.
You just never know.