Aug 26, 2009

Violence Against Bush

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What? You were expecting a prurient story about some sort of brutal assault against former President George W. Bush? Sorry to either alarm or disappoint you (depending on your political views), but the bush I'm talking about is my snowball bush, known to horticultural experts as Viburnum opulus. My bush ("huh huh - he said 'my bush,'" replied my Inner Beavis) reached a height of about 14 feet before I wielded extreme violence against it in the form of metallic pruners.

Yet fear not, oh ye advocates of botanical rights: this hardy bush can survive almost any trauma, save being fed a steady diet of bleach or gasoline, or being flooded with garden hoses hooked up to a pair of Price Pfister faucets. The plant grows up to two feet per year, and if I let it go again, it will reach and surpass its former height in 3-4 years.

After whacking my bush down to size ("huh huh - he said 'whacking'"), I pruned dozens of new shoots in an effort to manage the density of this plant. Next spring the aggressive cutting I performed will stimulate new growth ("huh huh - he said 'growth'") and result in an explosion of white blossoms.

Gad - this entire post is nothing but double entendres.

1 comment:

Mad Jack said...

huh huh - he said explosion of white.

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