A Tale of Theaters and Malignant Egos

My wife and I took a break yesterday from our routines and drove to Maumee's Rave Motion Pictures Maumee 18 to see Iron Man 2 (mini-review: a few laughs, lots of stuff blows up, about what you'd expect from a comic-turned-film, and I give it a B-minus). Just off to our side in the theater was a sixty-something couple, and the man was chatting loudly as the film began.

Mr. Talkative continued to keep a running commentary during the film, which normally is a source of annoyance to me. However, the guy was so over the top with his banter that it was almost funny: he read on-screen billboards and newspaper headlines, offered guesses as to what would next happen in the film, and engaged in a lot of "that reminds me of the movie where..."

Now, this encounter probably would not have merited a blog post were it not for what we witnessed upon exiting the theater. The well-dressed man, who looked a bit like Bill O'Reilly of FOX News, wandered away from his female companion, and the woman sat down on a bench for a moment. Mr. Talkative, in an effort to hurry his female companion along, loudly snapped his fingers.

SNAP! SNAP! SNAP!

This was not just an effort to get her attention, though: the woman positively jumped and obediently walked right to his side in an almost Pavlovian reaction to the finger snaps.

I was astounded, and I cannot remember the last time I saw a human being exert such public control over another person. I turned to my wife, and luckily she witnessed the same events I just described. This was such a bizarre scene that people would think I was exaggerating when I inevitably recount the tale, and I have a living witness to the egotistical boorishness of Mr. Talkative (perhaps he now deserves to be called "Mr. Jackass" or "Mr. Neanderthal" now).

I felt a bit sorry for the woman, who looked a bit embarrassed at being snapped to attention. However, as both parties were in their sixties, she probably couldn't change the relationship even if she wanted to, and she likely prefers a dysfunctional relationship over being alone.

And Mr. Talkative? You are just a jerk, sir.

On Tech Support Uselessness

Over the past few weeks I have interacted with a variety of technical support personnel over the telephone on issues related to hardware and software, and every one of these encounters has been unfavorable. My poor run of luck with technical "experts" began a few weeks ago, when my hard drive crashed on my Toshiba laptop (quick thanks again to Computer Renaissance of Toledo, who installed a new hard drive for me in record time).

I experienced some problems related to the backup files I created using the Toshiba Media Recovery software. Specifically, I wanted to know how to upload the final two disks worth of data, as the software only accepted the first three disks. The first clueless tech told me to wipe the hard drive and start over again, which I was hesitant to do, but I followed his instructions.

Three hours later, same problem.

I called Toshiba back and talked with an even more vacant-eyed support tech. This genius suggested that I download drivers for all my software and peripherals, which had absolutely nothing to do with my problem. It was as if he was deliberately trying to confuse the issue:

Me: "I am not having any problems with drivers yet. All of my non-Toshiba software has yet to be loaded."

Tech: "If you go to the Toshiba webpage, you will find all sorts of useful drivers that will make your Toshiba laptop run more efficiently."

Me: "My Toshiba runs very efficiently, thank you, because there are no programs on my hard drive yet besides Solitaire and IE Explorer to make it run slowly!"

And on and on. Luckily I am married to a computer whiz, and she quickly pointed me in the correct direction (the extra disks contained duplicate data, and my non-Toshiba software was ready to load from our gazillion-GB home external drive).

Then this morning I interacted vicariously with a tech support person via a student in one of my online classes who was having a problem with his brand new laptop. The machine runs Windows 7, and our university operating system is Blackboard, the leading online classroom platform in the known universe. The student was frustrated because he kept getting booted out of a quiz.

The student called the tech support folks, who dismissed his query with a comment that "Blackboard is not compatible with IE-8." This puzzled me, as it boggles the mind that the leading online software would not be compatible with the leading Internet browser. This is almost like saying unleaded gasoline is incompatible with 2010 model American automobiles (E-85 models excepted).

I politely told the student that the techie may have been stoned or something, because I use IE-8 without problems on Blackboard. My very first Google query using the terms "Blackboard" and "IE 8 issues" turned up the solution, which is that there is a quirk in IE-8 settings that can be easily fixed to eliminate the Blackboard booting problem.

Each of the above tech support people are supposed to be experts in their respective fields, yet none of them could provide even a dollop of useful advice. Now, I know that some folks who call tech support centers are clueless themselves, but in the above three cases the person making the queries clearly communicated the problems, and the techies seemed to either be incompetent or deliberately sabotaging the "help" process.

It almost gets to the point where I start thinking that tech support is an utter waste of my time, which makes me question why we as consumers are paying for this uselessness.

The Quote Shelf

A frequent feature on this site; feel free to comment on the quote or to supply a competing quote.

Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.
-- John Ruskin

Brick Identification Mystery - COLL-B CO

We purchased a few hundred used bricks from a local resident after reading an ad on Craigslist the other day. When we arrived today to pick up the bricks, I noticed that a dozen or so of the bricks were not the modern paving/landscaping bricks we expected, but were instead much older and contained the following inscription: COLL-B CO.

I spent the last 20 minutes or so scanning a few brick collector websites, but had no luck in identifying the manufacturer and range of dates during which these bricks might have been manufactured. Unfortunately, just in Ohio alone there have been more than 2,300 brickmakers over the past 200 years, and I have not been able to locate a definitive encyclopedia or Web reference dedicated to American brick makers with images useful in identification. The wear and erosion on the brick reminds me of the sort of wear I would expect to see on a late-19th century building, but of course I am not an sort of expert in determining the age of a piece of masonry.

Thus, I throw my brick query to the Internet: if you can identify the manufacturer, or if you have better suggestions on identifying these bricks, feel free to post your thoughts in the Comments section. What I find amazing on a needle-in-haystack post like this is that someone, somewhere, and sometime will have the same question and will wind up on this post via Google.

Gargantuan Killer Lilies on Steroids!

Left: gargantuan lilies

The post title is meant to convey a projected title for a potential film on some lilies that achieved colossal proportions in one of my gardens. When I purchased these flowers last year from a vendor at Toledo's Erie Street Market, they were about two feet in height, the sort of lilies one might purchase for Mom on Easter or Mother's Day.

Then over the winter these lilies decided to go all Hulk on me.

To give you a sense of scale, the lilies in the first picture are approaching the size of the flower stalk of a yucca plant that is over eight feet in height. When the uppermost blossoms open, the tallest of these lilies will be about six-and-a-half feet tall. These lilies have stalks as thick as a broom handle, and the blossoms span almost a foot across.

These lilies are like the Manute Bol of horticulture.

Left: colossal pink lily

Yet these prodigious perennials possess much more than mere size in their catalog. I have been impatiently waiting for the blossoms on these plants to open, and this morning they finally began to offer up their colorful petals to the world. For a moment I was almost in awe of the bright magenta hues that literally appeared overnight, and I reminded myself that they were worth the wait.

I have no special gardening tips for producing such giant lilies out of otherwise ordinary plants. I water them briefly every day there is no rain, and I added some leaf mulch over the winter to this garden. In the spring I tossed a bit of Miracle Grow in this garden, but I actually avoided the area in which the lilies are growing, and I doubt that any fertilizer beyond a small amount of runoff ever reached their underground bulbs.

Sometimes dumb luck is just better than skill.

Seeking Opinions on a Mystery Flower

While shopping early this spring I picked up a bunch of bulbs at Kroger that looked eye-catching, at least on the packaging. Unfortunately, I am at the age where random bits of information occasionally evaporate in my forty-something brain, and I do not recall what, exactly, I planted.

Pictured on your left is the mystery flower, which is a fuchsia-hued blossom with six petals perched atop a grass-like stem that is about three feet in height. I do not recall if I planted a rhizome or a bulb, but I am sure this flower did not develop from seeds.

My initial guess is that this plant is a member of the genus Sisyrinchium, commonly known as "Blue-eyed Grasses," though these are not true grasses. Anyways, feel free to leave your educated guesses in the Comments section.

On Subway and the Salmonella Outbreak

I read with some interest the news that Subway restaurants in Illinois are linked with a Salmonella outbreak that has already sickened 97 people, 26 of whom had to be hospitalized. When I traveled overseas two years ago I returned with a wicked case of Salmonellosis that defied three different antibiotics, and I was sick for several weeks.

So I feel the pain and misery of the Illinois Salmonellosis victims.

The restaurant chain ceased using onions, tomatoes, green peppers, and lettuce as a precautionary measure, but at this point the source of the microbes has yet to be discovered. Given the fact the outbreak has been traced to Subway restaurants in 28 Illinois counties, it is doubtful that this is related to Subway employees, though this did not stop Illinois health department officials from ordering thetesting of food handlers in 46 restaurants linked to the outbreak.

The microbe responsible for the outbreak is known as Salmonella serotype Hvittingfoss, and this strain is relatively rare as serotypes of Salmonella go. This also implies that a single source - probably an inventory item supplied by a vendor that the affected restaurants shared - is responsible for the outbreak.

Just an opinion from a semi-informed source: I worked in the restaurant industry for 25 years, and one of my research interests as a historian is in epidemiological history.

The Quote Shelf

A frequent feature on this site; feel free to comment on the quote or to supply a competing quote.

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it.
-- David Starr Jordan

Red Poppies and Family History

Some time ago I wrote about how I have been collecting seeds and bulbs from my grandfather's gardens, and how I am using my gardens to keep alive family memories. Pictured on your left are another group of family horticultural history; these are red poppies that I grew from seeds harvested from dried poppy pods at my grandfather's house.

I was unsure if the collection method I used would work, but the poppies sprouted quickly and seem to be thriving in the corner of my lot in which I planted them. This is an area with heavy dog traffic, so I sowed the seeds about a foot away from the fence and allowed the plodding dogs to perform my plant-thinning for me.

These will be another annual reminder of my grandfather, a man who has been an important part of my entire life, and they are a lot more rewarding as a gift than, say, designer ties.

First Zucchini of Summer

While watering and weeding my gardens this morning I noticed that the first zucchini fruits have appeared (yes, we like to call them "vegetables," but technically the parts we eat are the fruit of the ovary of the female zucchini flower). I rolled the dice this spring - a mild and warm April - and began planting seeds a few weeks earlier than normal. Thus, I will not have to wait until July to eat homegrown zucchini.

I am also experimenting this summer with a planting rotation whereby every two weeks or so I put another dozen zucchini seeds in the ground. My goal is to have a moderate amount of zucchini ripening all summer long instead of a glut of zucchini in mid-July for which I have to find willing recipients among my neighbors, family, and coworkers.

I used to be among the "grow-the-biggest-zucchini" gardening crowd, but my wife educated me that the best-tasting and juiciest zucchini are the ones that are just a few days old and that measure 9 to 12 inches in length. Few gardening pleasures can top the taste of a fresh-picked zucchini on scorching summer afternoon.

Mer-Man: The Ultimate Gift for ... Someone, Though I'm Not Sure Who

While traveling in Montreal a few weeks ago, I came across an oddity in a tourist-oriented gift shop. Pictured on your left is a Mer-Man, complete with bow-tie and martini glass.

To describe this unusual item as "kitschy" is an understatement, and I have difficulty imagining the sort of home or office where a half-naked Mer-Man would add to the building's ambiance and aesthetics. Yet there must be some sort of market for 2-foot-tall plastic Mer-Men, as the shop owner had quite a few in their Mer-boxes in addition to the display Mer-Men.

However, I suspect that potential Mer-owners do not share my sense of artistic excellence, or my definition of "beauty," and they probably do not much care what I think about plastic Mer-Men.

Random Wikiness

When I am looking for intellectual inspiration - or during those times when I am utterly and completely bored beyond hope - I occasionally visit Wikipedia and use the Random Article function. This button is located on the left sidebar of the main Wikipedia page, and a click on the Random Article link is a journey into the millions of constantly changing Wiki articles that Wikipedians have created and edited.

My first click took me to a Wikipedia page on the Child Ballads, which are a collection of traditional folk ballads assembled by Francis James Child. The ballads range in age from the thirteenth century through the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries, and many were obtained from printed broadsides. Child's collection remains an important source for modern folk artists, and artists as diverse as Fairport Convention, Steeleye Span, Joan Baez, and Ween have mined the Child Ballads for inspiration.

My next randomized journey was to a page devoted to information on the flowering plants that fall under the genus Anubias. Native to tropical central and western Africa, Anubias plants typically grow in the running water of rivers and streams, but sometimes are located in stagnant marshes. Anubias are often used in aquariums, and they prefer lower levels of lighting. Some species of Anubias also produce underwater flowers, and the genus was named after the Egyptian god Anubis, the god of the afterlife.

Though I have taught Ohio history in the past, I knew very little about Rufus P. Spalding prior to a random click onto the Wikipedia page dedicated to the nineteenth century Ohio politician, lawyer and judge. Spalding left the Democratic Party for the Free Soil Party in 1850 due to the Democratic Party's support of the Fugitive Slave Act of 1850, which he considered to be both illegal and immoral. Interestingly, Spalding unsuccessfully defended the last ex-slave to be returned to the South from Ohio under the Fugitive Slave laws.

My last randomized Wikipedia page examined the life of Nikola Tavelić, a fourteenth-century Franciscan missionary in Palestine who was the first Croatian saint and a man who undoubtedly never had a need for a product like phentermine. Tavelić and three other missionaries were martyred near the Jaffa Gate on November 14, 1391, and he was canonized by Pope Paul VI in in Rome on June 21, 1970.